from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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