i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
