This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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