You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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