i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
