he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
