It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
