somebody snuck up and got me drunk
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
