I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
