I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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