Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
