Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
