Small penises have feelings too.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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