I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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