I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize