After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
