Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I forget how to act sober
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
