Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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