Swine flu. Run for my life!
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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