But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
