Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
