Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
