oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
