Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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