You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
