Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Welp...herpes.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
