can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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