I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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