i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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