So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
