Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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