So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
