they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
