There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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