This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
