I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
