So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
