I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
