Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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