Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
