oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
