someone get that fucking seahorse.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
