Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
