took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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