i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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