I heard we made out
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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