Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
