They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
