i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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