Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
We are all done wearing pants today
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
