Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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