As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
