why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
